Marriage, sex and intimacy in the 19th century Hungary

What are your first thoughts when it comes to the old traditions of dating, love and sex life? Back in the day, our great grandfathers and grandmothers had to follow completely different rules and standards in the Hungarian countryside. In villages, dating was very different from what happened in bigger towns and cities. Men and women had to follow strict rules when it came to physical relationships, and sometimes they did not marry from the heart. 

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NLC reported that back in the day women’s greatest value was their virginity, which meant that men had to marry them if they wanted to spend a night together. Moreover, it was not fashionable to marry from the heart as families’ number one obligation was to have their children get married to start a family. Women from wealthier families, as a result, frequently married at a very young age because their parents chose their fiancé in advance, and this was also the case in less wealthy families. No wonder, there are that many sad Hungarian folk songs about love.

Back in the day, there were no clubs, so men met women at family celebrations, balls, and while visiting houses where the head of the family had one or more daughters. When a man liked a woman, it was allowed for him to visit her once a week on the same day. They were always welcomed in the garden, because to enter the house, men needed to have serious intentions.

Intimacy did not exist; they met while the family was also there. They played cards, board games and could only spend some time alone when they said goodbye. Still, young people had a chance to meet at balls and in distinctive buildings called fonóház. Here it was allowed to dance, to laugh and to find out whether they liked each other. Men did not give women flowers and chocolate but useful things women could use around the house while thinking about them. If they wanted to get married, after the woman’s father, her mother had to decide.